


Finding Peace

by Mareel



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode: s04e16 Divergence, Established Relationship, Forgiveness, M/M, Section 31
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:51:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2041521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Left shattered on the ground, you picked me up."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Peace

**Author's Note:**

> This is set a few weeks after the events of the Season 4 episodes "Affliction" and "Divergence". It is Malcolm's voice. He and Jonathan have an established relationship. The title and summary make reference to the song "Peace of Me" - Natasha Bedingfield. 
> 
> This is a followup to [Betrayal](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2041557). The prompt was 'forgiveness.'

 

__________________________________________________

 

I couldn't see any other way out of this mess. 

Of course it was a mess I brought on myself, and one I continued to make worse with every bad decision I made in trying to deal with it. 

I should have known that the Section 31 – and that bastard Harris – would never truly let me leave their covert ops group. But my years in Starfleet since I was part of all that left me too complacent, too secure in my new life. 

Refusing the mission seemed not to be an option, but the worst mistake was not to go immediately to Jonathan, to tell him everything. As my Captain, as my friend, as my lover, I owed him that loyalty over all else. Maybe we could have found a way out of the situation together. Instead, I dissembled, and then lied outright… even committing an act of sabotage to try to cover my trail. 

I sank to their level. 

The disappointment – no, let’s call it the pain – in Jonathan’s eyes was devastating. And I caused it. We’ve been through a lot together, yet I’ve never seen that look on his face when he realised I’d betrayed the loyalty he was sure he held. 

I never want to see that look again. 

The aftermath was entirely up to him. I’d forfeited any right to any kind of relationship with him, personal or professional. I offered my deepest apology and was prepared to follow it up with my resignation.

Now, weeks later, waking up from a nightmare, I feel Jonathan’s soft breathing beside me and relax against him, comforted. I’ve given up trying to understand his forgiveness. 

He told me that it was complicated, but the ties that bind us together are stronger than the forces trying to tear us apart. And that he knew it wouldn’t happen again. He said he needs me. 

And that he loves me. It is enough.

__________________________________________________

 


End file.
